Stepping through the open door

I have a great coaching partner. Her name is Jinx – she’s a 3 year old border collie. She is really well trained and well behaved and loves playing with the children. We taught her well not to just run out of the front door and she is very obedient. Perhaps we taught her too well, because even if the front door is open, she will just sit there. She’s ready to go and even if we prompt her she is hesitant to go outside  and play with the kids. Nothing is stopping her, except her own (OK ours) conditioning. And this I think is the problem with human beings….

We are “taught well and very obedient”. It is our own conditioning that keeps us back. Some people would say, Oh just get over it – but it is not always that easy. That conditioning has become part of our cells, or our physiology, it has become automatic, almost like a reflex. We don’t have to think about it. And some conditioning/automation is good – like breathing for example. We don’t have to think about it. We just do it. It frees up our brain to focus on other areas, like freeing up space on your computer.

I just wonder if we have not become so conditioned that we’ve put ourselves to sleep. We’re going through life not seeing and not living. We are merely existing. I’ve often wondered in which areas of my life I am asleep or have been conditioned too much.

I’ve found some things that don’t make sense to me any longer, like not going out in the evening on weekdays. Why, it’s a “school night”. I’m no longer in school…I could go out on a weeknight, and have been doing so for the last couple of years. And surprisingly the world has not come to an end and I’m still able to work the next day.

Some other conditioning that came to light was this: Oh, I could never do that, it must be expensive. And then someone asked me, well how much is it. Hmmm, I don’t really know, but it must be expensive. Not true. Once I took the trouble of finding out exactly what things cost, I realised that there were actually a whole bunch of things I could actually afford to to.

It was the years of conditioning ( from parents, teachers, uncles, aunts, other authority figures) that kept me thinking small and once I started asking the right questions, my world changed. And so one of my favourite questions to ask is: Is that the truth?

So perhaps this week you’ll look at your own conditioning and determine to what extent it is still serving you and perhaps identify other areas that you can let go off.

Coaching Finish strong

Finish the year strong

My coach and friends have been encouraging me to write a blog. I’ve been resisting – OK I’ve just been plain stubborn. I didn’t want to do it. And then a friend of mine said this to me: “You are holding back – there are so many people who you could help if you wrote about the stuff we often talk about.”

I have to admit I’ve never really thought about it like that. I’ve always thought it has to be some sort of academic style article, thoroughly researched, with loads of references. So I’m going out on a limb here and writing about things that matter to me – love, life, work, marriage, relationships, friends, coaching, attempting a PhD.

I know it seems really silly to start something new when it is the end of the year. Most people are wrapping up and winding down, and I just wanted to do something completely different this year. Instead of winding down, I’m finishing strong. Taking on that one last project and writing just a few more proposals.

I’m not waiting for January before I start living more healthy – I’m seeing a nutritionist now. The work space that I’ve always dreamed of is happening now and I’m inviting my clients to  join me in this journey of redefining who I am and what I have to offer.

Instead of waiting for things to be just right, and the planets to align just so, and that special sign to appear out of thin air – I’m taking the bull by the horns and doing something – taking action. This will mean things are not perfect. All sorts of things could happen. You might even be offended at some of the things I write. I am very likely to make mistakes in the process. Some things will work out and others won’t. My intention is to immerse myself fully in living life the best way I know how, so that I can share with you what is working, what is not working and perhaps you’ll find your spark again. You’ll find that special something inside you, that you remembered having when you were just about 5 years old – when the world was magical and you believed you could do anything. I’d love to help you remember that and make it real now.

There will be no new years resolutions. There will be lots of intentions. (Could be the topic of the next blog!)

I look forward to your comments, questions and suggestions as you join me in finding my voice.


Coaching Rocks! 5 steps to positive transformational change

So happy about my book, Coaching Rocks! 5 steps to positive transformational change. It’s available on and